I talk to famous people

This is what everyone wants: to talk to a famous person, over a cup of coffee or a beer. And it all came true; after the beer admittedly and mainly because he was kind of hoping I'd buy his CD. Whatever. I can say I know Justin Hazelwood; and he is famous. I know that because I found this postcard advertising a gig he did at the the Art Gallery of New South Wales. When I last talked to Justin he said "see Andrew Lawrence" at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. I checked him out on You Tube. He's totally weird!!!

Good News Week

This is why I love being in the audience of Good News Week.

Paul McDermott, I love you

How did I become obsessed with comedy? That's easy I fell in love with Paul McDermott. What was it about him? The rapid fire jokes, the hairy knuckles or his spikey hair? Probably a combination of all these and more. I must have seen hundreds of shows with him in it, both Good News Week and with him just doing his thing. I was one of the desperates seeing his comedy festival show so many times that I knew every word and waiting outside the theatre for him to come out; in the rain. I've kicked back a little bit now but I still think Good News Week rocks (I even watch the repeats on Saturday night) and Paul is still the king!!!

Living the Dream

Tuesday Night and I went down to Comedy on the Edge at the William Hotel to see Jarred Keane do his show The Call of the Mild. I went along ready to be kind but I had no need. Jarred has come a long way since we died together on stage before sleepy backpackers at the Paddy Maguire's Hotel. He has his own style of story telling which takes you into his weird little world, full of people you can almost see. He asked the question "why do people want to do comedy?" I think the reason is, it makes people happy. Jarred certainly did. Go see him.

Flow Chart of Stupidity

You can take the girl out of the obsessive situation but you can't take the obsessive behaviour out of the girl. Monday night and I switched off the T.V. thinking: I wonder if tickets for Good News Week at the festival are on sale yet? I switched on the P.C. and searched for the festival website. What followed was like a flow chart of stupidity. Answer these questions for me:

1. Do I want to see one or two shows?


2. Where is my credit card?


3. How do you use the Ticketmaster site?


4. Why didn't I notice that there is only one show on sale?


5. Do the Good News Week guys want a new audience for the second show?


6. How do I get that hour and half of my life back?


7. Why all these questions?

Nivana at the Comedy Festival

The holy of holies at the Melbourne Comedy Festival is the upstairs lounge at the Hi Fi Bar on Melbourne's Swanston Street (across the road from the Town Hall, you Can miss it, I definitely did). You have to have a pass to go in there. It's where comedians go to schmooze prospective employers, and journalists go to get a story. Forget about a beer they're pretty pricey. Downstairs in the Hi Fi Ballroom they have a smorgabord show most nights, this is incredibly good value as you get to see a lot of the hot comedians preview their shows. Remember to take your ticket stubs from the shows you see that evening for a discount on week nights. (Hi Fi Bar. 125 Swanston St, Melbourne, VIC 3000).

Give yourself some time

I know you love Dave Hughes (Daniel Kitson, Good News Week, or who ever is big this year) but so does everyone else. That's why they are playing in the main room at the Town Hall. If you know the show you're seeing is going to be busy, go early to avoid the rush. Or even if you go to "boutique" shows like I do, get there on time. No one wants You making an entrance in the middle of Their show. That's why they say "can we help you with something; like a watch!"

Apple's window of opportunity

For as long as I can remember Apple has been furnishing the festival with free computer access in the foyer of the Melbourne Town Hall. This way comedy fans can check up on the comedians and their shows while they are waiting around and Apple gets to advertise their new wares. I call that one hand washing the other. [Thinks]: How could I do that in my life?

You have to have a stategy

When you go to the festival you have to have a strategy. Here are a few of my tips:
1. Some shows are so main stream that you have to book them (on the web) before you go to avoid missing out.
2. Try to leave some slots in your program for things that you find out about when you get to Melbourne (some shows are wild cards and you won't get the word on them till you see them at the Hi Fi Bar show or get talking to people in line at actual gigs).
3. Book at Half Tix for the big (desperation) savings. They're open at the Town hall in the mornings. You have to cash the vouchers in at the booking office in Collins Street.
4. Go to the late night Federation Square shows (Laugh a palooza, etc.) they're off beat and fun.
5. Go to cabaret. Some people think it's "old" in Sydney but in Melbourne it's vibrant and sexy.

My favourite restaurant

Cafe Issus is my favourite restaurant in Melbourne's Centre Place. The big breakfast is great, I especially like the "l.b.d.s" or tiny sausages to more polite folk, they're really tasty. The soups are excellent (which is often all that is left by the time I stagger down). The rate the food disappears down there you know I'm not the only person who thinks it's good. Check out this link for more info.

Repeat Business?

Something I'm still trying to get over from last year is a weird moment I had at the Centre Place, one of Melbourne's Meccas for laneway cafes and lattes galore. There is one shop I go regularly because they have great pastries and buns. This particular day I had ordered (and paid for) my flat white and croissant with ham. The proprietor came out and (seeing me scribbling in my note book) proceeded to try to hussle me from my seat. Don't these guys want repeat business? Lucky for him he sells great pies.

Its a place to wind down

So you're on holiday. You're tired already from the everyday rollercoaster of life and you've been up late the night before, at the Hi Fi Bar, watching the show. You want somewhere to get away from the traffic, the crowds and the frantic activity of the cleaning staff in your hotel. Why not go to the park? It's restfull and it's free!

Technology moves on but do I?

Every year I go to the Flight Centre and I book my plane ticket and my accommodation early, it's the way to get the good deals, or so I thought. I usually fly Qantas and stay at the Victoria Hotel; predictable and close to all the festival venues; including the festival bar. This year an Indian god-prince named Govind (who's quite a babe, check him out at Hall Street, Bondi Beach) told me "you need to book this over the internet; it's cheaper". He booked me on Virgin and at the Causeway Inn on the Mall. All I wanted was more of the same.

It's just not fair

Thinking about going to Melbourne and you think "who shall I see?" I asked Mark Williamson and he said see Brendan Burns and Jim Jeffries (who is currently appearing at the Comedy Store). How happy was I? I watched Jim Jeffries on YouTube and thought "that's thirty bucks I've saved myself". Not for the reason you'd think; that he's crass, bitter about women and uses the word f**k as both comma and full stop. More because he's aloud to do this stuff and I'm not. A young man talks about weird sex and poo at a comedy gig and that's O.K. A woman (of a certain age) does it and bar managers and otherwise uneducated people say "I can't believe you said that!". It's just not fair. Ironically, Jim Jeffries' stuff is so obscene I'm not even aloud to attach the video to this site. So I suppose a picture will have to do. I watched some Brendan Burns' comedy on You Tube and it was pretty much the same experience; the sort of thing that psychiatrists get plenty of money to sort out.

Looking forward to Comedy Festival

Almost a month till Comedy Festival and I'm really looking forward to going. Every time I go out to a comedy show someone says "are you going to Melbourne?" Even when I sit here at my p.c. Windows Vista keeps on showing me pictures of the Melbourne Town Hall with all its banners on its tiny screen.